Stubbs here. That’s right, baby. I’m back and better than ever.
Well, I’m actually exactly the same as I was back in 2005. I was already pretty great though, so there’s that.
I’m here today to get you in on the ground floor of an exciting opportunity: Stubbs the Zombie in Rebel Without a Pulse, an Xbox classic, is coming soon to Xbox Series X|S and Xbox One. Still not sold? How’s about I walk you through all the great features this game has to offer?
Stubbs the Zombie in Rebel Without a Pulse runs on a state-of-the-art game engine of tomorrow*: a really good engine from a super popular game that we’re unsure if we can legally name. That game launched on Xbox too, and it was a real Master piece, if you catch my drift, Chief.**
Sure, it may come straight from 2005, but I’m living(ish) proof that some things get better with age. Heck, I’ll even throw in modernized controls and all-new achievements to sweeten the deal.
Same Special Abilities
You’ve got guts kid, I can tell.*** Ever thought about using them as a grenade? My dubiously patented Gut Grenade is gonna explode in popularity, mark my words!
Of course, there are other ways to blow folks away. Some people say that my approach stinks, but Unholy Flatulence knocks ‘em dead every time.
Since you’ve gotten this far, there’s something you need to know about zombies: We know how to get ahead. Specifically, a sputum head. Bowling is for jerks, but detaching your head and bowling down jerks? That’s the good stuff.
So, Whaddaya Think?
I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling pretty good about this whole thing. Same Stubbs, new consoles. Has a nice ring to it. Now, how would you feel if I told you that you can pre-order the digital version of Stubbs the Zombie in Rebel Without a Pulse today on the Xbox Store?
Still have some doubts? Take some time and think about it. I can wait… after all, I’ve waited for 15 years to return. What’s another couple months?
*Legal here. We would like to inform you that it was the game engine of tomorrow in 2005, but now it’s technically a game engine of yesterday.
**Legal again. Any similarities in the previous sentence to any characters that may or may not be owned by Xbox are entirely coincidental.
***Legal, one more time. Stubbs the Zombie is not intended for children, kids, or really anyone. It’s gross, immature, and “in incredibly bad taste” according to most.
Stubbs the Zombie in Rebel Without a Pulse
It’s 1959 and the city of Punchbowl, PA, is a beacon of progress and ideal living. Show the living that law and order are no match for a dead man on a mission. Your boyfriend’s back Maggie and Punchbowl is gonna be in trouble!